Lifelong Conversion

Today I would like to share some thoughts and experiences that have struck me throughout this last week on what it means to strive for conversion-for a lifetime. I remember during my training in Washington, DC, Father Joe Nangle summed it up pretty simply but profoundly. He said something like this...Lifelong Conversion is about being open to the spirit and simply saying yes to making the next right choice...for a lifetime. Easily done right?...Not quite. I remember this simple idea having an impact on me back in September, when I heard it, and it re-struck me again this week. Let me tell you why these words have strong meaning for me. Like any journey in life, if we look to far ahead we can be overwhelmed by the magnitude of it, and we also miss the precious moment which is this one single step-right now. Like the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”-Confucius In order to be aware of our decisions and actions each day it means we have to be constantly living in a state of contemplative action. This means we can’t say our faith or spirituality is something that only happens on Sunday, before a meal, or before we go to bed. Striving to live with the spirit, the true self-(to awaken to the true self is to know the divine truth of God), or whatever we decide to call it is a choice to grow towards that which is best in us spiritually, physically, and intellectually. Each decision and action taken either helps us strive towards that which is good, lovely, and pure or that which is destructive and decaying. Sometimes the choices are clearly good and bad and we easily know if our choice was right or wrong, but most of our choices fall into a grey category. To me these are the small daily choices that take contemplation and reflection in order to really understand their impact on our lives. Let me give you one example that happened to me during this last week. I am currently in an intensive six week language program. Each day we have close to four hours of classes with four different teachers and are expected to put in a significant amount of time studying at home as well. During this last week I have had a cold and have been feeling a bit run down. I started to allow my body feeling a bit run down to turn into doubt and frustration about me learning a new language. This doubt and frustration then began to turn into a negative attitude which quickly took me out of my inner peace and joy and got me to start pointing fingers at my teacher(s) and family. All of a sudden my teacher(s) became unreasonable with their expectations or weren’t patient enough for my slow learning etc. I started to think my family spoke too quickly, to softly, and slurred words together. They should know I’m just learning, why are they making it so difficult for me to try and understand. It almost felt personal and how I was responding with my body language and attitude was not seeking that which is best within me. Some of these thoughts and feelings lasted for about two days before I was able to reflect and contemplate on my choices and actions. It then became glaringly obvious to me what I was doing. It all started with a small bad choice of allowing frustration and doubt to creep in and that was just enough to fuel me into making another bigger poor choice. Luckily it didn’t take me too long to figure out what was happening. This is such a classic example of how each small choice really is important and is either leading us towards God, our best version of ourself, our true self, or towards destruction, despair, and that which is worst within us.